Ricky Gervais roasts Diddy, Justin Timberlake and the Vatican in 2025 Golden Globes jokes
'Sat in the bath wondering about what I would say if I were hosting'
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Ricky Gervais isn’t hosting this year’s Golden Globe Awards, but the British comic has shared some of the jokes he would have made if he were emceeing Sunday night’s broadcast.
“Sat in the bath wondering about what I would say if I were hosting the Golden Globes on Sunday,” Gervais wrote on X. “It’s been a pretty good year for material.”
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“Hello, and welcome to the 82nd Golden Globe Awards,” he would have said to kick off the show. “What a year it’s been. Hundreds of entertainers jumped at the chance to go to The Vatican to meet The Pope. Many from Hollywood. Obviously they weren’t content with only being part of the 2nd biggest (pedophile) ring in the world…”
The five-time host would have then poked fun at pop star Justin Timberlake’s arrest last summer for driving under the influence in the Hamptons.
“Justin Timberlake was convicted of (drunk driving). If he’d have gone to jail he’d have heard the words Sexy Back a lot more often.”
Alleged sex criminal Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs would also have not escaped his jokes.
“Kevin Hart said that being at one of Diddy’s parties was uncomfortable, as he wouldn’t leave him alone. Eventually he had to shout ‘Imma Midget, not a child.’”
The After Life star also retweeted a clip of his monologue from the 2020 Golden Globes in which he skewered Hollywood’s A-list, telling them “no one cares about movies anymore.”
“Remember, they’re just jokes. We’re all gonna die soon and there’s no sequel, so remember that,” he said, before taking aim at one of Tinseltown’s most famous film directors.
“Martin Scorsese made the news for his controversial comments about the Marvel franchise. He said they’re not real cinema and they remind him about theme parks. I agree. Although I don’t know what he’s doing hanging around theme parks. He’s not big enough to go on the rides,” he said.
Gervais also made a dig at Leonardo DiCaprio’s penchant for dating young women.
“Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and by the end his date was too old for him,” he swiped.
He ended his monologue back in 2020 by warning the night’s winners not to make any political speeches.
“You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything … if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent, and your God and f— off, okay?”
When Gervais spoke to Postmedia in 2017, the actor-comedian said he made jokes about the celebrities’ “public behaviours.”
“Listen, no one likes to be the butt of the joke. But if you analyze all those jokes, they’re not about things those people can’t help. I didn’t have a go at their height or their race or their sex. I teased them about their public behaviours. Like Mel Gibson, that was public. When I made fun of Johnny Depp’s movie (The Tourist) and I asked him, ‘Have you watched The Tourist?’ and he said ‘No’, the crowd loved it. So I think they’re in on it,” Gervais said.
The biggest challenge as host, Gervais said, is the Golden Globes is not “a spectator sport.”
“There are 200 million people watching the Golden Globes and there’s nothing in it for them. They’re not winning awards, they’re not millionaires, so why are they watching? I play that outsider where a guy sitting at home drinking a beer can laugh,” he said. “I’m friends with a lot of them, but if I go out there and start saying, ‘Hey, George Clooney,’ it would be nauseating. Who cares? … So what do I do? I tease the Hollywood Foreign Press and I tease all those people in the room who are the most privileged on the planet.”
After garnering attention for her comedy special Someday You’ll Die and providing the harshest burns during The Roast of Tom Brady, stand-up comedian Nikki Glaser is set to emcee Sunday night’s ceremony.
In an interview with Variety, Glaser said she is going to make sure the crowd in the room is “introduced to me before I start making jokes about them.”
“The way I feel about the Globes is like, ‘What are we doing here? We’re treating this like you guys are all nominated for Nobel Prizes.’ I don’t think I can be as honest as I want to be,” she said.
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