Marking 'Galentine's Day:' Friendship important for mental health and wellness

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From the Golden Girls to Sex and the City, a gang of gal pals is always in style.

Friends are always there for us, there to make us laugh, and pick us up when we’re feeling down. What started as an episode of the TV series Parks and Rec, Galentines Day is an unofficial nod to celebrating female companionship every Feb. 13.

But what if you don’t have a group of friends to hang with? No time like the present to start the search for your new BFFs.

Juggling a busy schedule with work, family, and other responsibilities can make it tough to add in time for friends, but making that commitment and creating bonds isn’t just for fun – friendship is important for our mental health and wellness.

Alicia Panchal, a registered social worker with You First Pyschotherapy and Counselling Services, says friendship is integral to our wellbeing.

“As humans, we are meant to be social beings; we thrive off of the love and support and protection that we get from our community,” she explained. “We want to feel understood, we want to feel connected, we want to feel supported.”

In a post-pandemic world, especially with many people now working either hybrid or fully remote, there are fewer opportunities to get out and connect in person, so those looking to meet new people and form friendships may need to look outside the box.

The effects of the pandemic have been far-reaching in terms of socialization and mental health, and Panchal says, “because we were forced to isolate, our whole world just kind of shut in on us.” 

Losing the ability to connect with others outside of the home makes it difficult to maintain the skills we all rely on for connection.

“We connect based off of seeing other people, making eye contact, smiling, waving, having that small talk. All of that was taken away from us, whether it was through the pandemic or through working from home. And so the loneliness really, really increased during that time, and it definitely is having an impact now.” 

So, if you’re feeling extra awkward saying hello or making small talk now, you’re definitely not alone.

“With being isolated, we also kind of forgot how to use our social skills,” Panchal explains. “Those muscles weren’t being used; we weren’t practicing them as often.”

Panchal says this can leave people wondering, “How do I talk to people again? How do I make friends? How do I recover from maybe some of the relationships and friendships that didn’t survive?”

Online going offline

One trend for branching out and meeting new friends is using social media to lead to offline connections.

Facebook groups, such as the Toronto Girl Collective, are a great way to find people within the local community to meet up. Group creator, Jaclyn Sugar, created the group after going through a breakup and wanting to create new connections.

“I was mostly just really lonely,” she says. “My friends, who I have been very long friends with about 16, 17 years, they all have partners and I just really wanted people to be able to do things. I’m a very spontaneous person, I love just like making plans on the fly, and I didn’t really have that because everyone has a life and is busy, of course.”

And Toronto Girl Collective was born – and it was a hit right from the start, gaining 600 members in the first 24 hours.

Now members are posting introductions, connecting with other members over shared interests and getting together and forming new bonds, which Sugar says has been rewarding. “I see it all the time, and it brings so such warmth to my heart that people are actually doing that and being active and taking the initiative. People tell me all the time how grateful they are to this community because of how many friends they made.” 

While there are many ways to connect with others using social media, one of the biggest successes for Sugar’s group are the large events where members can come and meet face-to-face.

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While attending a group function may not be for everyone, “it pushes people to come, in my opinion,” Sugar says. “It pushes people out of their comfort zone.” She adds she encourages people who are nervous or shy to still come and “stay by me. You can probably tell in the first couple of minutes of meeting me, I’m very friendly, I’m very open, I’m very warm and personable, and I just say, ‘You can stay with me.’”

Panchal also recommends trying some new things to get yourself out there.

“When we put ourselves out there in just a teeny tiny way, whether that’s exposure to something like a Facebook group or joining a class, like a workout class, or a pottery class or a paint class, or just something that helps us get out of the house that we don’t necessarily have to fully engage in with a whole bunch of other people, it opens our eyes. It reminds us there are people out there. It reminds us that we do know how to smile and wave.”

If group get-togethers aren’t your thing, meeting someone one-on-one is still a great option. Shared interests is a great way to make a connection with someone new. For Sugar, her love of oysters brought her together with another member in her group.

“I took a chance and went out for oysters with a girl … and that was our common ground, oysters.”

Panchal also notes there’s no point in getting discouraged if a connection doesn’t pan out.

“You don’t know who you’re going to meet, but just like we date around to find a partner we vibe with, we connect with, we might have to date around to see what friend we vibe with and what friend we connect with and that’s OK, too. We don’t want to be discouraged if that first outing to that class or to that coffee date or that dinner wasn’t really everything that we expected. We can try again.”

Panchal stresses the need to build on small successes.

“Say hello to somebody at your yoga class,” she suggests. “When we are doing something we naturally enjoy … it also makes us feel a little bit more comfortable to talk, at least, about that.”

Most importantly, Sugar says: “Just put yourself out there. See if you click well, and sometimes it’ll stick, sometimes it won’t. But you really have to put yourself out there, if you’re serious.”

laura.nelles@sunmedia.ca
@shantoranelles