DEAR ABBY: Cop’s ex-wife has carried a secret for two decades

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DEAR ABBY: I was married to a police officer for 20 years. It wasn’t a warm marriage. We divorced 20 years ago. Our one child is in his late 30s. I always put my son first and loved him with all my heart.

During the last year of my marriage, my ex was poisoning my coffee. After drinking my one cup of afternoon coffee, my heart rate would go as high as 200 beats a minute until I passed out. When I woke up, the rate would be back to normal. I set up a camcorder and captured him putting something in the well of the coffee pot. At the time, we had half a million dollars in life insurance on me. This poisoning had been happening on and off for about a year until I finally figured it out.

I didn’t confront my husband and moved out immediately. I told no one except my mother. I did not tell my son because I wanted to protect him from knowing something so horrible about his dad. My son has hated me ever since the divorce because I received half his dad’s pension. I never disclosed the physical and mental abuse I endured.

My son speaks to me only once or twice a year, and when he does, he is very unkind. My heart is broken over this. I believe I should have told him about this a long time ago, but I’m afraid even with the proof of the recording, no one would have believed a police officer would do such a thing. I didn’t want my son to have to live with the knowledge. That recording is in a safety deposit box at the bank. Should I destroy it? — SURVIVED IN THE EAST

DEAR SURVIVED: No, you should not destroy the recording. Tell a trusted friend or your lawyer that you have a safe deposit box you want opened upon your death and what is in it. Then have that recording copied and the copy sent to your son. He deserves to know the whole story instead of only his father’s side of it. 

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DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law and his wife are expecting their first child. My husband and I are happy for them. We recently shared that we are expecting our first child two months after them. They were surprised but seemed excited for us to be raising children of similar age.  

Unfortunately, the next day, I suffered a miscarriage and was hospitalized the following week with complications. It has been two weeks, and neither my husband nor I have heard from them. We know they are aware of what happened. It surprises me they wouldn’t check in or even send a text message. What should we make of their lack of contact? — FUTURE MAMA IN PENNSYLVANIA 

DEAR FUTURE MAMA: What you should make of their lack of contact is that they may not know what to say to you. They could suffer from a form of survivor guilt because their pregnancy is progressing. Because they are extended family, the chances are great that you’ll be seeing them again. Raising the subject then would be appropriate if you feel the need. 

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.