DEAR ABBY: Murder of sibling has changed demeanour of victim’s brother

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DEAR ABBY: Last year, my son, his girlfriend and two others were murdered outside a city where “things like this don’t happen.” My other two boys received a call to come immediately to their dad’s home, where it had happened. My boys were the first to witness the bloody scene. They called 911. My son lived two days more. Today would have been his birthday. His brothers witnessed something beyond imaginable.  

My youngest (now 32) has isolated himself. He has become a different person, as we all have. I’m worried about him. He was always a laid-back, sweet young man. Now his temper is quick, and his fuse is short. I invited him to come with me on a getaway for a few days, but he declined. He tells me he doesn’t know why; he just doesn’t want to be around people. I know why. It’s because of what happened.

How can I convince him to seek counselling? I withdrew from society, too, for about three months. But I got counselling within that time. I’m lost about what to do. Any advice would be so appreciated. — LIVING IN A NIGHTMARE

DEAR LIVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragedy your family has suffered. Because your son is resistant to the idea of counselling, suggest that he might benefit from joining a support group of people like himself. A group called Parents of Murdered Children (POMC) provides emotional support to survivors of homicide and helps them to put their lives back together. It has been in existence since 1978 and has been mentioned in my column before. The website is pomc.org, and I hope your son will agree to check them out.

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DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old granddaughter is dating a 19-year-old boy. He recently confided in me that he has been drinking alcohol. (He found a place that doesn’t check ID.) At first, he said, it was one or two beers on the weekends. Then he started getting drunk every weekend. Now he’s getting drunk during the week. He said my granddaughter is aware, but I’m not sure if she knows how much he’s drinking.

They say they plan a future together, and this is what makes the drinking so concerning. I’ve seen firsthand what alcohol can do to a family. He says he won’t become an alcoholic, but I know it can happen without realizing it until it’s too late. Is there anything I can do to help these young people? Other than the drinking, he is a nice, respectful boy. — WORRIED GRANDMA IN OHIO

DEAR GRANDMA: From what you have written, this nice, respectful young adult has developed a dependency on alcohol. Warn your granddaughter about what this may mean for her future. And, if you can find out who has been selling alcohol to underage youth, turn the person in. Please!

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.