DEAR ABBY: Two decades have not healed painful breach in relationship

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DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, I developed psychosis with a personality change. I did things I’m ashamed of. I had an affair, remarried and moved out of the country, leaving my 13-year-old daughter with my ex-husband. I snapped out of it 15 years ago with the help of a good psychiatrist and excellent medication. I deeply regret my behaviour, and I have made every effort to change things. However, my relationship with my daughter has never recovered in spite of my apologies, sorrow and deep shame.

Fast-forward: My daughter got married recently and invited her father but not me. I was devastated. I have been trying so hard for so many years to reestablish trust and show her I love her. I know I can’t force her to forgive me, but banning me from her wedding brings me to tears every time I think of it.

I have a therapist and I’m working hard to recover from my bout of insanity all those years ago. I love my daughter very much. Can you think of anything I can do to heal our relationship, or must I just bump along unless and until she forgives me? — IN A STATE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR IN A STATE: I know neither you nor your daughter other than what you have described to me. Continue talking with your therapist for guidance. This individual is most familiar with your history and how hard you have tried to repair the damage you caused. Your therapist is the most qualified to help you traverse the “bumpy” path ahead.

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DEAR ABBY: I have a longtime friend, “Erin,” who is my age (early 60s). She retired several months ago and has told me a couple of times since then that she has stopped wearing bras. I thought she meant around the house, but she means ALL the time. Erin is generously endowed and has “headlights.” In warmer weather, she’s less likely to wear a cardigan, so the lack of a bra or anything else to preserve a bit of modesty other than wearing her shirts in a larger size is starting to bother me.

I don’t normally care what other women wear. But I cringe having Erin around my husband and other friends, and I no longer want to go out and about with her. Am I a prude? If this were something occasional, I would ignore it. But this seems to be forever. If I say something, what should I say? — CAN’T UNSEE THIS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAN’T UNSEE: If your longtime friend is unaware of how much of her “assets” are on display, someone should point it out. If she asks why you have distanced yourself, be truthful. (You may be doing her a favour.) Do not, however, expect her to stop doing what she’s been doing. Erin has the right to go braless if she wishes. Only you can decide whether her lack of attire is grounds for ending a long friendship.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.