DEAR ABBY: Violence, dishonesty are dark omens for couple's marriage

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DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have not had sex for the last four years. I’m not a perfect husband. I have made my share of mistakes — not always telling the truth, texting other women — and she has her share of imperfections as well. She has hit me on more than one occasion. She has also pulled a gun on me and stole $1,400. And yet, I find myself putting all that aside and moving forward. I do love my wife, but right now I am at my breaking point. Do you have any advice? — AT WITS’ END IN TEXAS

DEAR WITS’ END: Because you love your wife and want to stay married, TELL her that. While you’re at it, offer her the opportunity to work out your differences through marriage counselling. If she agrees, it will be a giant leap in the right direction. However, if she doesn’t, for your own safety, you two must separate. The relationship you have described is volatile, unhealthy and unsafe for you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior woman and have been in a relationship for five months with a widower. His wife died three years ago. He calls me every night, and we see each other three to four times a week. My issue is that he’s cheap. He makes three times what I do but takes me out only for bar food meals. I want to say something, but I’m not sure how. He’s a great guy except for this, but I don’t want to stay if he doesn’t value me more. Should I tell him he’s too cheap or just break it off? — UNDERVALUED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNDERVALUED: No, do not do either. Tell him you feel a constant diet of bar food isn’t the healthiest, and you would like to try something different. Then ask him to make a reservation at a restaurant. If he balks, volunteer that perhaps you could split the cost. His reaction to that will tell you whether to stick with him or not.

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DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter died tragically this year, struck by a driver while on her morning walk. She leaves behind a husband and four children under the age of 18. Their wedding anniversary is coming up, and we usually send a card and money. What would be appropriate for me to do for our son-in-law? I would like to send a card letting him know I’m thinking of him, but don’t know the words to say. — STUMPED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR STUMPED: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your stepdaughter. Because her husband is family, I don’t think sending a card would be enough. Pick up the phone, start a conversation and tell him he is in your and your spouse’s thoughts and you want him to know it. Sending an anniversary card to someone whose spouse has recently died might not be as helpful as lending a willing ear.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.