DEAR ABBY: Woman discovers truth of fiance's secret life

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DEAR ABBY: I have been with the same man for three years, and we have been engaged for a year. I love him with all my heart, but I just learned through a phone call that he has been fooling around with men from the internet. I have also seen some messages in his email.

Does this mean he is bi and never told me? I don’t know what to do. Please help me before I make a mistake. — HURTING IN LOVE

DEAR HURTING: What this means is your fiance is either bisexual or gay. For both your sakes, tell him you know what has been going on, because if he’s unfaithful now, marriage vows won’t change him. Ask your doctor to test you for STDs, and then call off the wedding so you can find a mate who will be faithful — and he can find a relationship in which he can truly be himself.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married seven years. It’s the second marriage for both of us. We have a good relationship and love each other. I told her before we were married that, while I like animals, I do not want a pet. She’s an animal lover and is now pressuring me to get a small dog. She’s hoping I will change my position, but I will not.

She told me this morning that she might have to leave me and find someone who wants a pet. I told her I understand and will accept her decision. Now I need guidance because I realize that a dog is more important to her than our relationship. Please help. — ANNOYED IN INDIANA

DEAR ANNOYED: I wish you would have stated why you feel so strongly about not having a (small) dog in your home. You and your wife need more mediation than I can offer in a letter. A marriage counsellor may be able to help you to communicate with each other more effectively than you have been. For her to have given you a semi-ultimatum was wrong, but it indicates to me that you two may have more problems to resolve than whether to get a dog.

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DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, son-in-law and two grandsons live in Australia because of our son-in-law’s job. One grandson will be bar mitzvahed soon, and our daughter is asking us to send her a list of our friends so she can send them invitations. Because going to Australia is such a long and expensive trip, we are quite sure that none of our friends will attend and will regard the invitation as a request for a gift. Should we send her the list she’s requesting? — CONFUSED GRANDPARENTS

DEAR GRANDPARENTS: I am against sending an invitation to anyone who isn’t a close relative for the reason you stated. Because of the distance, it WILL seem like a bid for gifts or money. A diplomatic way of conveying the news of your grandson’s rite of passage would be to share it verbally with friends — who can then volunteer that they would like to send the boy something. Perhaps the feedback you receive can shape the invitation list.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.