Stressed about Valentine's Day first date? Don't focus on the outcome

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Valentine’s Day can be a stressful time, whether you celebrate it or scoff at the so-called holiday.

There can be pressure that comes with trying to make everything perfect, even more so for those preparing for first dates that just happen to coincide with mid-February. But there are ways to take the pressure off and make it a more fun and enjoyable experience.

“It’s a great opportunity to lean into the festivities by feeling out a fun and new connection,” Tinder’s Canadian relationship expert Dr. Jess O’Reilly told the Toronto Sun.

To temper any expectations, O’Reilly suggests treating the day like you would any other and enjoy the process of getting to know someone rather than focusing on a specific outcome.

“Reminding yourself to take this approach can make the date feel more lighthearted and give you the flexibility you need to shake those first-date jitters,” she said.

Easier said than done, so O’Reilly noted there are also ways to set yourself up for a more comfortable experience.

“When planning the date, choose a well-lit, public, but not overcrowded space so you have a safe environment where you can build a direct connection with your date without the intense pressure that can come from a more secluded spot,” she recommended.

For those who aren’t interested in drama or playing games, there’s something about Valentine’s Day where it can’t be helped. Say, for example, you and a date are vibing. You don’t want to scare them off by showing your genuine interest and coming on too strong — but you also don’t want to seem disinterested.

O’Reilly said she believes it’s always OK to clarify intentions upfront, while still being open to possibilities. She noted Tinder’s 2024 Year in Swipe report that found “loud looking,” which entails being unapologetically clear about what you want, was a top trend.

“Rather than worrying about coming on too strong, be transparent about your interest and intentions from the onset,” she said.

“This can help foster more authentic connections and build confidence while avoiding guessing games.”

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O’Reilly pointed out that if a date is going in an unwanted direction, clear communication is a great way to deal with it and hopefully steer it back on track.

“Daters value authenticity and vulnerability, so be open about your interest in meeting again and keep an open mind about what your date has to say in return,” she said.

“For example, it can be disarming to simply admit that you’re feeling nervous, shy or unsure and it can create space for your date to open up about how they’re feeling to create an authentic connection — even if it’s not an immediate love connection.”

“This kind of clear, straightforward discussion can help you avoid misunderstandings and allow for re-alignment if needed.”

As for those who have previously been unlucky in love, there are ways to remain optimistic.

“It’s understandable that those who have been let down previously can carry negative feelings this time of year,” O’Reilly said.

“Rather than letting past difficulties define your future prospects, I recommend embracing nano-ships, which means finding meaning in every micro-connection (a meaningful glance, prolonged eye contact or brush of a hand.)

“Even the smallest interactions can be full of romantic possibilities, so lean into the optimism those opportunities can offer.”