SEX FILES: Breaking up and breaking the bank — Is revenge travel really worth it?

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In my twenties, my go-to cure for a broken heart was a pair of scissors — specifically, those wielded by my trusted stylist, Maria. Whenever one of my toxic situationships ended, I’d book an appointment at my favourite upscale salon in Yorkville for a much-needed haircut and gossip session. I’d walk in feeling emotionally fragile and leave with bouncy, shampoo-commercial-worthy curls. At nearly $100 a visit, it was a steep indulgence in the early 2000s, but nothing compared to the elaborate post-breakup “glow-ups” that flood social media today. 

Finance app Frich analyzed data from over a million Gen Zers and discovered that the average cost of a breakup is $3,862. This encompasses expenses related to housing, dating, and post-breakup spending, including booking “revenge travel” to process heartache and assert independence. Nearly a quarter of Gen Zers book post-breakup travel as a coping mechanism (and a chance to flex on social media), with the average cost of a week-long trip being $1,991. 

The era of the simple post-breakup haircut (and the occasional regrettable dye job) is long gone. These days, people are processing their heartbreak with extravagant trips and documenting every moment on social media. A no-expense-spared getaway to Bali is the perfect way to move on from a trashbag of an ex, but it’s hardly easy on the wallet. Revenge travel begs the question: is it helping heal the heart? 

Heartbreak can feel incredibly destabilizing. The person and the future you imagined with them have suddenly disappeared, and now you’re living in a new reality you didn’t ask for. “People throw themselves into travel or big spending because it gives a sense of control—something new to focus on, something that feels like forward motion,” says Cheryl Groskopf, a marriage and family therapist and professional clinical counsellor. 

However, what looks like self-care is sometimes just a distraction from painful emotions. Groskopt says this can work temporarily – travel can help boost mood and provide some perspective through a change of scenery – but using it as an escape to avoid confronting uncomfortable feelings can delay more profound healing. When we travel intending to bypass our grief, “The nervous system doesn’t get to reset—it just stays stuck,” says Groskopf. And if we’re taking a trip we can’t afford, we also get saddled with debt. 

For these reasons, Judy Serfaty, a licensed clinical professional counsellor and clinical director at The Freedom Center, encourages people to clarify why they want to travel before clicking “purchase.” Serfaty says it can be empowering to use travel to reconnect to yourself after going through a breakup. “However, if it is done impulsively or to ‘prove something’ to an ex or social media, it can lead to regret – emotionally and financially,” she says. 

Before spending, Serfaty encourages people to ask, “Am I doing this to feel better inside or look better from the outside?” Next, she says you’ll want to make sure your plan for revenge travel aligns with your financial reality, not just an emotional impulse. Using travel to escape heartbreak can turn especially problematic when you can’t afford it in the first place. Unfortunately, social media can help fuel this sense of financial recklessness. 

“Social media can amplify the pressure to ‘bounce back’ in a big, flashy way,” says Serfaty. However, if your single glow-up leads to debt, financial hardship, and increased stress, it’s hardly worth it. If you’re already feeling emotionally fragile, adding financial instability into the mix isn’t going to serve you. 

When considering the financial aspect of revenge travel, Groskopf encourages people to ask, “Can I afford this without adding more stress to my life?” If the answer is no, it’s OK to stay close to home and heal on your terms. Despite what social media would have us believe, Groskopf says, “Moving on doesn’t have to be a performance. Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is slow down.” 

Lastly, remember that while it can be empowering, travel is not a substitute for therapy. “A trip might distract you for a week, but therapy supports long-term healing by helping you sit with your feelings and grow from the experience rather than just escape it,” says Serfaty. 

We all want a quick fix for a broken heart, but healing takes time. Getting over your ex may take longer than two weeks gallivanting in Bali. If you spend your money on anything post-breakup, invest in mental health care. As Serfaty reminds us, “Travel can give you space, but therapy gives you clarity.”