SEX FILES: Holiday hook-up or horror story. How to safeguard your summer fling
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In the second season of the HBO series, ‘The White Lotus’, Portia, a 20-something personal assistant (played by Hayley Lu Richardson) on vacation in Italy with her boss, gets romantically entangled with Leo Woodall’s character Jack, a British bad boy whose “Cowabunga” neck tattoo is just as questionable as his motives.
What starts as a steamy fling abroad, quickly takes a dark turn when Jack gets wildly inebriated and steals Portia’s phone, essentially trapping her as part of a murder plot. It’s the stuff that vacation romance nightmares are made of.
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While most of us (hopefully) will never experience a romance-gone-wrong worthy of a prestige cable series plotline, dating abroad, while exciting and romantic, still presents unique risks. You’re on vacation, relaxed, and with your guard down. Things that might be red flags in your daily life may not register the same way – especially after a few poolside Aperol Spritzes.
If you hope to indulge in a holiday hook-up while traveling this summer, here are a few tips and precautions to keep you safe.
Don’t overshare on social media.
This includes your location or anything that might identify where you’re staying in real time – especially if traveling solo. Instead, wait until you’ve changed locations or returned from your vacation to share location-specific details. This helps protect you from becoming a target of people with less than great intentions.
Keep personal information, personal.
According to the dating app, Flirtini, half of single travelers actively use dating apps while on vacation. However, the app found that 45% of dating app users reported experiencing some kind of scam.
Whether meeting in person or connecting on an online dating app, keep private details to yourself. “Avoid sharing sensitive information too soon and treat conversations about your address, financial information, or phone number as a huge red flag,” says Anastasiya Pochotna, dating expert at Flirtini.
Video call before you meet.
As we learned from White Lotus, not everyone is who they say they are – even the charming Brit with a Cockney accent. If you’re meeting dates on apps, use the video call feature on your smartphone as an extra layer of safety. “Even if a match seems genuine, there’s no harm in asking for a video call to verify their identity. If they are who they say they are, they will be understanding and accommodating,” says Pochotna.
Meet up in a public place.
While a waterfall in a secluded park may sound ultra-romantic, choose a first-date location with plenty of people and reliable cell reception. Pochotna says, “Take your time getting to know them before visiting secluded areas or private spaces alone.” Learn from Portia’s mistakes. Pochotna says, “Don’t rely on them for transportation, even if they seem trustworthy.” Instead, have a safe and secure way to get to and from the date arranged in advance.
Inform a friend before you head out.
Ask the person you’re meeting for their first and last name, and keep your phone charged. Pochotna advises daters, “Share every detail of your date with a friend or family member, including where you’re meeting, when, how long for, and who you’re meeting with. Arrange to check in with them regularly throughout and, if your plans change at any point, keep them updated.”
Be mindful when consuming alcohol or other substances.
According to a recent survey by Flirtini, 64% of daters use alcohol to calm their nerves. And while there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a cocktail or two, overindulging in booze or other substances can cloud your judgment. “Avoid excessive alcohol — at least for the first few dates — so you can make level-headed decisions and clearly judge your date’s character,” says Pochotna.
Keep safer sex supplies on hand.
As with any kind of casual sex, it never hurts to be prepared. Depending on where you’re traveling, safer sex supplies might not be as widely available. Pack condoms, lube, and any other safer sex supplies you might need so you don’t have to scramble at the last minute.
Have an exit plan.
“There are far more decent people on dating apps than there are bad ones, but you need to be extremely cautious to avoid falling for those with ill intentions,” says Anastasiya Pochotna, a dating expert at Flirtini.
Book a hotel room at a property with 24-hour security so you don’t have to stay with your date and can safely come and go as you please, and keep your phone charged and with you at all times. Use ride-share apps that track your location, like Lyft or Uber, whenever possible, and carry enough cash to take a cab home, if necessary.
Lastly, trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.
Taking precautions ahead of time means you can relax into the experience. With an exit plan in place, you can decide for yourself whether that neck tattoo is a dealbreaker.
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