SEX FILES: How saliva became the latest sexy taboo

Article content

The first time a man asked to spit in my mouth, I was 22. When I asked about his fantasy, he didn’t hesitate – the idea of his saliva hitting my tongue was the ultimate turn-on. We’d already had sex and shared plenty of steamy makeouts, but somehow, the idea of his spit crossing that final boundary made me recoil.

I hadn’t thought about this experience in years, when in June, the Cut published a piece entitled We’re All Spitting in One Another’s Mouths These Days. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since, and now it seems like everywhere I look, people are swapping saliva in explicit ways. Spitting even made an appearance in the hit thriller Sinners, starring Michael B. Jordan and Hailee Steinfeld and had a moment in the popular reality show Love Island USA, when contestant Hannah spit into Charlie’s mouth mid-kiss. There’s a word for this – spit kink – and it’s become surprisingly mainstream.

Angie Rowntree, founder & director of sssh.com, the award-winning, premier destination for sex-positive, ethical porn made from a woman’s point of view, says that adult content is the main reason why spit kink is having a moment in popular culture.

“In porn and kink, spitting isn’t one thing; it’s many,” Rowntree shared in an email. She says, “It can be practical, like using spit as lube during oral or penetration. It can be dominant, like spitting on a face or into a submissive’s mouth to assert control or humiliation. In fluid fetish scenes, spit itself is the turn-on.” Rowntree adds, “Whether tender, rough, or symbolic – spitting has evolved into a full-body language of power, mess, and meaning.”

Undoubtedly, porn has shifted public perception around what’s “normal” and acceptable in the bedroom. Jillian Amodio, a licensed therapist, sees this as a double-edged sword. “On one hand, exposure and representation permit people to explore their desires more freely, reducing shame around acts that might otherwise be labeled as “deviant.” On the other hand, she says, “it can blur the lines between fantasy and real-world intimacy, where communication, safety, and mutual respect must always take top priority.”

In the post-COVID-19 world, directly launching saliva into another’s mouth still feels taboo and like the ultimate sign of trust. However, like other “raw” sex acts that have become popular in mainstream thanks to pornography, spitting presents unique challenges and concerns. “Some men take the frequent depiction of certain acts in porn as permission to engage in these acts with women by default, which is scary for the woman. Or any partner,” says Anna Richards, founder and producer of Frolicme.com, a leading site for ethical adult erotica focused on female pleasure, healthy sexuality, and well-being.

Richards reminds us that we saw a similar phenomenon happen with choking – women have reported men choking them after seeing this in porn. “While spitting is less physically dangerous, it’s a big turn-off for some people, and it comes off disrespectful to engage in such an act if it’s not mutually desired,” says Richards.

Because spitting is so polarizing – especially for people who are neurodiverse, it’s important to discuss it with your partner beforehand to see if this is even something they’d be into. Regardless of where you fall on the spit spectrum, Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for Biird and author of Eve’s Blessing, suggests creating a “yes, no, and maybe” list with your partner to clarify what you both are and aren’t into. “There are also less intense forms of spit play — e.g., spitting on or licking your hand before giving a handjob,” says Weiss. The key is to stay open to compromises, while not pushing each other to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

If you decide to explore a spit kink with your partner, communication, care, and preparation are crucial. Rowntree suggests people stay hydrated and brush our teeth before engaging in this type of play. It’s also important to routinely check in with your partner before, during and after trying this – or anything new – in bed. As Rowntree reminds us, “Like all things in intimacy, communication and consent are what make it truly hot.”