SEX FILES: Love isn't blind but chemistry might be

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Last night, I hunkered down with a bowl of popcorn to watch the latest season of Love is Blind. The show which, at the time of writing is the third most popular show on Netflix in Canada, started as a fun distraction during the Covid times – a fun way to pass the time between doom scrolling, grocery deliveries, and running to the store to get more hand sanitizer. However, it’s since become a cultural phenomenon and a cornerstone of Netflix’s seemingly never-ending conveyor belt of (often absurd) reality dating shows.

If you’ve yet to fall down the Love is Blind rabbit hole, the premise is problematic (err, I mean simple!). Singles agree to go on blind dates in individual “pods” where a screen separates them from seeing their date. Couples fall in love and get engaged – sight unseen. The audience follows their journey to the altar after meeting face-to-face.

While completely and totally bonkers, the show illuminates human nature and relationship dynamics. Each time I watch a season of the show, I take away something new. With the season finale airing on October 23rd, here’s a recap of some of the biggest takeaways from this season thus far.

Show, not tell.

Let’s start by talking about Leo, the show’s resident ‘poor little rich boy’. Leo takes every opportunity to remind us that he inherited the family business and is independently wealthy (his gold Rolex is so ever-present it almost feels like the 16th cast member). He’s deeply insecure that women will only like him for his money and yet, he can’t stop talking about how much of it he has. There’s a phrase in writing that also applies to dating: show, not tell. If you want someone to like you for your inner qualities (instead of your bank account, looks or profession), you need to get vulnerable and allow those qualities to show through. Otherwise, you’re just a guy or girl with a nice watch.

Financial literacy matters.

One of my favourite scenes from this season is when Hannah (27) single-handedly schools Nick D (29) on the ins and outs of personal finance. We learn that Nick’s parents still pay his phone bill and that eventually “in the next year or two” he’ll pay it himself. He also seemingly doesn’t understand why he and Hannah should combine bills once they’re married (Her response: “because you’d be paying the right bills?”). First of all, if you’re not mature enough to pay a bill yourself, you are not mature enough to be married. Secondly, this underscores the need for couples to have very thorough conversations about what their day-to-day finances are going to look like once they make a serious commitment like saying “I do.”

Emotional safety is the ultimate “green flag”

Feeling butterflies for someone is not a predictor of whether you’re in love – or even if you’re relationally or sexually compatible long-term. In fact, Psychology Today reports that the heady feeling of having butterflies comes from the amygdala – the same part of the brain that registers fear and threats and is responsible for anxiety. Instead, a predictor of a successful relationship is that you experience a sense of emotional safety with the other person. I couldn’t help but swoon when Tyler tearfully  told his date Ashley A., “I’ve always been a protector but now I’m feeling safe.”

Love  – or at least chemistry – is truly blind.

Title be damned, Love is Blind proves time and again that love isn’t truly blind – at least not in the way that we think. Afterall, once a couple leaves the pods, their relationship success depends on so many factors, like their financial compatibility, sexual compatibility, and ability to communicate and problem-solve when real-world stressors enter the chat – like, mystery children that you didn’t tell your partner about.

After they got engaged, Tyler revealed to Ashley A. that he “helped a couple” and has three “sperm donor babies.” Tyler claims that these children have no idea what he looks like, but social media posts and court filings suggest otherwise. Despite this wild revelation, Ashley A. is willing to stay and work things out because of their “strong connection” – a decision that inspired a collective side-eye from TV viewers everywhere.

When someone shows you who they are (i.e. a liar of epic proportions) believe them. Don’t let the butterflies blind you. While things like shared financial literacy, emotional safety and healthy, open communication may not make great TV, they’re exactly what you need for your relationship to go the distance.