SEX FILES: Love (or lust) without borders -- How to date abroad like a pro

Article content

If dating has started to feel like a chore, it might be time for a change of scenery – literally. After spending a week in June dating in Rome, I’m now more convinced than ever that dating abroad is an untapped cheat code for revitalizing your dating life – or, in my case, a palate cleanser after an excruciating breakup.

Each afternoon, I’d park myself at a sidewalk cafe, open Tinder, and start swiping between bites of mouthwatering food. There was something about the bright sunshine and the lazy pace of vacation that put me in the mindset for romance.

But as dreamy as dating abroad sounds, it isn’t without its unique challenges and safety concerns. If you’re travelling this summer and considering dipping your toes into the local dating scene, here are a few essential tips to help you stay safe, have fun, and maybe even (if you’re lucky) kick-start your love life, “Under the Tuscan Sun” style.

1. Be clear about what you’re looking for and how long you’re in town.  

I attribute my success on Tinder in Italy to being crystal clear about what I wanted from the experience in my profile. I listed that I was a Canadian in Rome for a specific period, and that I was looking to meet new people, go on some fun dates, and hopefully experience some locals-only places (the phrase, “take me to your favourite pizzeria” goes a long way in Rome). As a result, I connected with like-minded people and was able to weed out those who didn’t want the same thing. That said, if a steamy hook-up is all you’re after – don’t be shy. The more honest and transparent you can be, the better.
 
2. Choose the right app.  

Be fair to the people you’re dating and make sure you’re using the appropriate app for your dating goals. If you’re only in town for a short while and aren’t looking for anything serious, don’t use an app oriented around finding a serious relationship. Instead, look for one that has options for casual dating.

3. Set goals and limits.  

Dating abroad should be fun. The last thing you want is to spend your vacation staring at your phone when you could be enjoying the sights. You also don’t want to spread yourself so thin with dates that it stops feeling like a vacation. That’s why it’s essential to get clear on how many dates you’re interested in going on while you’re in town.

For me, I knew I wanted to go on at least three to four dates while in Rome, strategically leaving some nights free to decompress. I also set a time limit for how long I would spend swiping and replying to matches. This meant I was only using the app while I enjoyed my lunch and during dinner, if I wasn’t already on a date.

4. Research local dating etiquette and be mindful of economic disparities.  

Before you attempt dating abroad, research the local dating customs. Who typically pays on the first date? What’s the dress code? What’s considered a huge faux pas? It’s also important to be mindful of economic disparities. For example, Italy may be home to Versace and Dolce and Gabbana, but on average, salaries tend to be lower than in North America. If you’re dating in a country where you have an economic advantage, consider contributing to the cost of the date.
 
5. Stay safe. Don’t give away your location, and always meet in a public place.  

Instead of having your date meet you at your hotel, pick a public place nearby. Be mindful of your alcohol consumption and keep your dates in public places as well — especially if you’re a solo traveller and aren’t super familiar with the city. I have zero regrets over blocking the guy I met online who seemed a little too insistent that I give him the address of my hotel.

As an added layer of safety, let someone know where you are going and with whom, and consider only using dating apps with built-in safety features. For example, Tinder has a “Share My Date” feature that lets you send friends and family your date’s profile and where you’ll be meeting them.

Lastly, just because you’re single and in a foreign country doesn’t mean that you should override your intuition and say yes to anything that you aren’t 100% comfortable with. Whether you’re zipping around Rome on a Vespa, making eyes over margaritas in Mexico, or meeting for dinner in Toronto, if something feels off, it probably is. Trust your gut. Eating the best pizza of your life isn’t worth jeopardizing your safety.