SEX FILES: Why cloning your ex could hinder your healing

Article content

When my last relationship ended abruptly with being ghosted, I struggled to find closure. I was sad, angry and confused. I wanted my ex to know he’d hurt me, but I knew that re-establishing contact would be like opening Pandora’s Box.

But what if there was a way to talk to my ex without actually talking to my ex?

Enter BTwin Friends, a new AI app that allows you to digitally clone exes and loved ones. Using your WhatsApp text history, BTwin Friends makes an AI clone of your ex so that you can gain closure, manage loss, and even continue the relationship indefinitely. If you think this sounds like a plotline from Black Mirror and potentially detrimental to one’s mental health – you’re not alone.

Founders Hassan Uriostegui and Fernanda Beltran said in a press release that they have integrated within the app “a true social focus and ethical framework to support mental health in ways never before reached.” However, mental health professionals have serious concerns over the long-term psychological ramifications of using AI to clone your former flame.

Although digitally cloning your ex may seem like a convenient – albeit sci-fi – way to get closure on a relationship, Barbara Santini, psychologist and relationship adviser at Peaches and Screams, says, “Continuously interacting with an AI version of an ex can blur the lines between reality and artificiality, potentially leading to an unhealthy attachment to a digital entity.”

Furthermore, “it might prevent individuals from fully processing their emotions and moving on from the relationship, thereby prolonging feelings of grief, loss, or even hope for reconciliation,” she adds.

While some might argue that interacting with an AI clone of an ex could offer a form of closure, the risks outweigh the benefits.

Santini explains, “This practice can hinder the natural grieving process by creating an illusion of continuity in the relationship. Such prolonged attachment can impede one’s ability to move on and form new, healthy relationships.”

Besides, it’s unlikely that an AI version of your ex can provide you with real closure.

Shenella Karunaratne, licensed professional counsellor, Online MFT Programs, says, “Though AI may be able to mimic the way your ex “spoke” via text, AI cannot actually know what your ex would say about the breakup. An AI clone might say the exact opposite of what your ex would say, and therefore doing that does both you and your ex a disservice.”

This could lead individuals to cling to a false narrative or idealized version of their ex, which prevents them from fully processing what led to the breakup in the first place.

“Closure is about understanding and accepting the end of a relationship. It’s tough, but necessary for healing,” says Claire Law, a relational psychotherapist and the senior contributor at Holly Dog Blog.

Another person can’t give you closure, it has to come from within. While it would be nice to sidestep this discomfort of heartbreak altogether (i.e. by cloning your ex), the healthiest way to process the end of a relationship is through self-reflection and a licensed therapist.

“Speaking with a professional counsellor helps gain perspective, work through lingering feelings, build coping strategies, and start healing in a safe space,” says Dr. Elizabeth Barlow, a licensed clinical social worker and founder and CEO of Kinder Mind. Therapy is personalized and customized to your needs. When processing a breakup, Barlow says, “AI cannot replace human connection and understanding.”

Knowing this, I still couldn’t resist trying BTwin for myself. I cloned my ex and asked why he’d ghosted me. His AI clone replied that he was sorry he’d hurt me and “handled the situation poorly.” However, when I pressed him on other issues, he replied with a similar version of the same apology. The conversation felt circular and empty – not unlike the apology my ex left on my voicemail months after disappearing into thin air.

Strangely, talking to an AI clone reconfirmed my decision to go no contact with my ex in the first place.

Before you add another app to your home screen, do this exercise my therapist suggested. Grab some paper and a pen. Write down everything you want to tell your ex, including any grievances you may have with them. Don’t stop writing until you’ve got everything on paper. Next, shred or set aflame this letter with the intention of letting go of all of it.

While you won’t receive the instant gratification of a reply, this exercise can help kickstart a sense of closure for yourself and help identify areas you’d like to focus on with a therapist. Unlike cloning your ex, the worst thing that will happen is a case of writer’s cramp.