SEX FILES: Why eye contact is a dating power move

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When I discovered I could use direct, sustained eye contact to meet guys, it felt like I had found a secret superpower. I was in my late teens, working full-time at the mall, saving for university, and exploring dating fervently. If I saw someone who caught my eye – whether wandering around the mall’s hallways during my lunch break or across the dance floor at a crowded club – I’d catch their eye. Maybe I’d smile a little but wouldn’t break eye contact. Then, I would quickly look away. More often than not, they’d already be coming over to me. This eye-gazing technique was my secret to meeting people in my twenties because it worked nearly every time.

TikTok has a name for this technique: sticky eyes. While TikTok creator Chelsea Anderson may have coined the viral term, we just called it flirting back then. And yes, it’s again having a moment online, partly because it works.

“Keeping eye contact for a long period engages neurological and emotional systems accompanied by trust and bonding,” explains Dr. Michael Kane, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer at Indiana Center for Recovery. He adds, “When practiced over time, eye contact increases the secretion of oxytocin, commonly called the ‘bonding hormone.”

He says eye contact helps establish a more profound attraction and connection. It also signals attention, which is at a premium these days.

Looking up becomes the ultimate power move in a world where most of our prolonged eye contact is with our phone screen. As Celebrity Love Coach and relationship expert Nicole Moore explains, “People are often most attracted to those who display confidence, so being bold enough to hold prolonged eye contact with your crush can make you appear more desirable in the dating market.”

However, like many people, I’ve let this dating move fall to the wayside. I stopped flirting in public as much when I got my first smartphone and became acquainted with dating apps – when sending a witty text or DM took over as my go-to flirting tactic. When asked why she thinks this trend has gone viral, Moore says it reveals what many people have been missing – face-to-face flirtation. Since many people interact primarily online, it can be a breath of fresh air when someone makes a human connection,” she says.

While dating techniques like “sticky eyes” bring the human element back into flirtation, they must be handled carefully. Eye contact is an art form. Relationship Expert Dr. Channa Bromley says direct eye contact can quickly shift from seductive to unsettling. If you hold their gaze too long (I.e., staring), it starts to feel like “psychological interrogation,” she says. When it comes to sticky eyes, context matters. “The difference between attraction and intimidation is reading the room. A successful use of this technique means knowing when to hold the gaze and when to release it, like a well-timed push and pull,” she says.

But what if you’re uncomfortable with eye contact, period? Moore says, “If you struggle with eye contact but still want to try the sticky eyes technique, try practicing it on a friend first or someone you don’t feel intimidated by. As you get more comfortable holding eye contact in general, you’ll feel more confident to do it with a love interest.” She also suggests deep breathing before flirting and reminding yourself that it’s not that serious – if they don’t flirt back, that’s okay. “But the only real cure for dating anxiety is to just flirt with fear anyway, and eventually you’ll be more comfortable,” says Moore.

So, the next time you see someone attractive, hold their eyes – even just for a moment. You might find it’s a flirting technique you want to stick with.