WHO? WHAT? WOW! The week in weird

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FANGS A LOT! VAMPIRELLA THOUGHT MAN WAS WEREWOLF

A Russian woman obsessed with The Vampire Diaries stabbed a man she met online who she suspected of being a werewolf.

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Cops say Ekaterina Tirskaya, 22 — who believes she’s the real-life Elena Gilbert from the bites and blood show — was sentenced to more than two years in prison.

Obsessed with the supernatural, she connected with the unnamed victim on social media. She even accepted a nightcap at his pad after their first date.

Sparks ensued.

But when dawn broke she had transformed into a blood-thirsty wannabe vampire, the man told cops.

Ekaterina (kind of a good vampire name) told the man she was a vampire, then grabbed a knife and tried to stab. Without a wooden stake, he made a run for it.

She later told cops she wanted to ice the unlucky suitor because he is a werewolf.

NOSE WAY! NOTES FROM ASIA!

Do it yourself nose jobs? Okay…

Chinese women are using a special wax that lets them mould their noses to their desired shape.

Microcrystaline wax has also recently been gaining popularity in the West as Asian Instagrammers show off their little buttons.

The white, clay-like material allows users to wildly change the shape of their schnozzes.

“You can change the shape of anything on your face, like the nose, brow bone, chin, etc., using a wax like Ben Nye Nose & Scar Wax,” makeup artist Lottie told Cosmopolitan.

“It will take practice, but it’s not super difficult. You just use a tiny amount of wax at a time, roll it into a ball or a skinny, snake-like strip — depending on where you’re placing it — and then press it onto your skin to form the shape you want.”

Okay!

MUGSHOT MANIA

Halloween’s over? Why didn’t you idiots tell me?

Is my mascara running? Been a bad day.

FURRY FREAKOUT!

The fur is flying the furry community.

What?

Yes, the good folks who dress up as kind of sexualized animals in fur costumes have a problem. There’s been a data breach at the website that’s home to an erotic role-playing game.

Hackers allegedly skinned email addresses, names, order histories, hashed passwords, and physical and IP addresses for more than 400,000 High Tail Hall players.

Four-hundred thousand? Really?

The game features sexualized, anthropomorphic animals and allows users to have erotic encounters with other characters.

BEWARE: SMALL PENIS ON LOOSE

Penis-shaming police are apologizing after an unflattering description of a flasher’s equipment.

Cops say the short-sticked suspect performed a sex act in front of a 20-year-old female student and then made a run for it in North Yorkshire, UK.

In their description of the phallus-wielding fiend, they said: “The suspect is described as white with a very pale complexion, aged between 35 and 45 years, around 5ft 10in tall with a fat build.”

“He has very little chest or pubic hair, no obvious tattoos or scars, and he has what was described as a small penis with testicles that hang noticeably low.”

But times being as they are, someone, somewhere took exception.

So cops instead are now calling the hewer of wood a “fat naked man.”

bhunter@postmedia.com

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