Complicated Rory McIlroy searching for renewal at Royal Portrush in The Open

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PORTRUSH, Northern Ireland — The previous time Rory McIlroy played an Open Championship at Royal Portrush, it was too much to handle.

After a disastrous eight on the opening hole of the first round in 2019, the moment ended before it had even begun for the hometown hero.

Six years later, and once again in his backyard in Northern Ireland, it all makes a little more sense because, despite opposite circumstances, a similar thing seems to have happened to McIlroy in the weeks following his win at the Masters in April.

After becoming just the sixth golfer to win all four men’s major championships, it has been strange times for Rory. When you’ve dedicated much of your life to a seemingly impossible quest — twice as many men have been to the moon than have won the career grand slam — fulfillment can be a terrifying thing.

In 2019 at Portrush, he almost burst into tears at the level of support he received in this town of his childhood before, during, and after the calamitous Thursday round of 79.

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After this year’s Masters, he has seemed genuinely lost trying to figure out what’s next for him.

In both instances one can be compelled to wonder: Where does the mind go when the chase is over and everything you dreamed of is in your hands?

Much has been written and debated during the past two majors trying to answer the question of what’s wrong with Rory McIlroy? Because for a man just weeks removed from achieving his lifelong dream, he seemed unusually miserable.

“I think everyone could see over the last couple of months how I struggled with that,” the Northern Irish star said on Monday about resetting his goals. “I’ve done something that I’ve told everyone that I wanted to do, but then it’s like I still feel like I have a lot more to give.”

Those are the dueling emotions McIlroy appears to be dealing with. Apologies to the entire island of Ireland, but Rory seems to have reached the end of the rainbow and discovered there’s no pot of gold.

Of course, there is every chance that things are going on in his life that the media and public aren’t privy to. But having spoken with him at the Canadian Open and listened to every word he has said publicly since, it’s hard not to get the feeling that he has been asking himself whether this is as good as it gets, and wondering why it doesn’t feel better.

“That’s the nature of professional golf. They do a very good job of keeping you on the hamster wheel and you feel like it’s hard to get off at times,” he said.

For the past 18 years, McIlroy has been living his dream as a professional golfer. But within that, there had always been the ultimate dream to be the world’s best golfer and his stated childhood dream to win all four majors.

Well, here we are.

“The fact that I’m here at Portrush with the green jacket, having completed that lifelong dream, I want to do my best this week to enjoy everything that comes my way and enjoy the reaction of the fans and enjoy being in front of them and playing in front of them.

“But at the same time, I want to win this golf tournament and I feel like I’m very capable of doing that.”

Those pesky dueling emotions again.

When it comes to enjoying yourself, very few seem to do it any better than Shane Lowry. The burly Irishman claimed the Claret Jug six years ago in Portrush and hasn’t wiped the grin off his face since — a fact that hasn’t escaped his friend Rory.

“I just think about how he is off the course,” McIlroy said of Lowry. “How he is able to separate his family life and his normal life from his golfing life.”

“I’m in a bit of a different position, so it may be a little bit more difficult for me, but it’s definitely a place that I strive to be in, to be as comfortable getting away from it as he is, and enjoying the fruits of your success and sharing that with your loved ones; more so that. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to have more fun.

“I think Shane is very good at having fun and I need more of that in my life.”

McIlroy’s actual hometown is about an hour’s drive from Portrush, although he hasn’t been there often in recent years and hasn’t played his hometown Holywood Golf Club in 15 years.

He also hasn’t returned to Royal Portrush since the disappointment of 2019.

“He did put a lot of pressure on himself,” Lowry said on Monday of McIlroy’s ill-fated tournament six years ago. “Talking about it being the biggest tournament he’s ever going to play and stuff like that. You live and you learn, and I’m sure he’s not going to do that this week.

“We’ve talked about it at the odd time but not that much. He doesn’t want to talk about what he did on the first hole,” Lowry added.

Perhaps this time a trip home will be exactly what the 36-year-old McIlroy needs to begin a new chapter of a legendary career. Although with Rory, you never really know.

“I still feel like there’s a lot left in there,” McIlroy said. “The story certainly isn’t over.”