TUMBLIN' DICE: America's Sweetheart Mary Lou Retton's fall from grace

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At the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, gymnast Mary Lou Retton won the hearts of America — and the world.

With a beaming, ready-made Pepsodent smile, the 16-year-old pixie’s life ahead appeared sprinkled with rainbows and unicorns. But sometimes life doesn’t turn out that way, and a tumble can become a plunge.

Now 57, Retton was arrested on May 17 for allegedly driving under the influence in West Virginia.

Cops say the companion in the passenger seat of her Porsche was a screw-top bottle of wine. Witnesses later said she was driving “all over the roadway,” court documents obtained by WDTV revealed.

Officers at the scene reported that Retton reeked of booze and was slurring her words.

From the podium to the poorhouse to the pokey in a couple decades.

THE TRIUMPH

The Virginia-born athlete took up gymnastics at the age of 8, inspired by Nadia Comaneci’s breathtaking performance at the 1976 Montreal Olympics. She then moved to Houston for further, more intense training, and began her remarkable ascent up the ranks of the gymnastics world.

OLYMPIC GLORY

Retton captured the all-around gold medal at the ’84 games, which were boycotted by the Soviet Union and Eastern Bloc countries. On TV, the world fell in love as she notched four additional medals, silver in the team and horse vault and two bronze medals. She was named Sports Illustrated’s Sportswoman of the Year. And she got her Wheaties box.

QUOTE

“You give up your childhood. You miss proms and games and high-school events, and people say it’s awful … I say it was a good trade. You miss something, but I think I gained more than I lost.” — MARY LOU RETTON

CELEBRITY INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX

After retiring from competition in 1986, Retton was sucked into the celebrity-industrial complex. The Republican boosted Ronald Reagan’s presidential campaign. She also got down to making serious money. Besides endorsing everything from shampoo, pain relief creams and insurance, she was the first woman on a Wheaties box.

Pint-sized Retton also made a slew of appearances on TV and the movies, including Knots Landing, Scrooged, Baywatch, and others. In 2018, she appeared on Dancing With the Stars.

HUBBY

The star gymnast married her quarterback in the form of University of Texas star Shannon Kelley. The pair had four daughters before calling it quits in 2018. There were rumours of infidelity and abuse.

“It’s something that had really needed to happen for a long time,” Retton told People of the split. “We still love one another, but we weren’t great together anymore.”

SEX ABUSE MISSTEP

Super creep Dr. Larry Nassar sexually preyed on young female gymnasts for decades as the team doctor for USA Gymnastics. He was tied in with her Texas coaches. In 2016, Retton met with Senator Dianne Feinstein over her sponsorship of the Protecting Young Victims from Sexual Abuse and Safe Sport Authorization Act of 2017. But Retton wasn’t there for support.

She told Feinstein the bill wasn’t necessary despite men like Nassar. Gymnastics, she said, “was a happy, safe place.”

QUOTE

“Mary Lou Retton’s legacy is forever tarnished by her unconditional & public support of Steve Penny & the team of other disreputables at USA Gymnastics who allowed so many children to be abused sexually, physically & emotionally for years. Shame on Ms Retton.” — STEVE MANLY

HEALTH CRISIS

Retton has been plagued with numerous health problems since her days as a star gymnast. That included having both hips replaced, but worse was to come in October 2023. Her daughter McKenna announced that Retton was “fighting for her life” after a bout with a rare strain of pneumonia. Retton had a “long road of recovery ahead.”

QUOTE

“I’m so grateful to be here. I am blessed to be here because there was a time when they were about to put me on life support.” — RETTON ON THE TODAY SHOW, JANUARY 2024

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

Her daughter McKenna started a crowdfunding effort for the Olympic legend. But that drew criticism. Retton later explained that because of her numerous surgeries and recent hospitalization, she was broke. The International Gymnastics Hall of Fame and her family took in US$459,000. They wonn’t confirm how they spent the cash.

THAT BOOZE-A-RAMMA

The gonzo-ed golden girl refused a roadside blood alcohol test when she pulled over on May 17. She did do three field sobriety tests. Cops said the results showed she was plastered, court documents said. She was charged with DUI and sprung on a $1,500 bond the day of her arrest. Neither Retton, her lawyer, nor her spokespeople have addressed the incident.

bhunter@postmedia.com

@HunterTOSun