DEAR ABBY: A brief thank-you note has an outsized impact

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DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, you printed a letter from a grandmother who said she was changing her will because neither her adult children nor her grandchildren ever wrote her thank-you notes when she sent a gift. I had taught my son the importance of writing thank-you notes, but he wasn’t doing a very good job of completing the process. I cut out the letter from your column and sent it to him.

Boy, what a difference it made. He was recently married, and many people have told me what heartfelt thank-you notes they received in a timely manner and how much they were appreciated. He recently had a birthday, and every person who wished him well got a written thank-you.

Abby, please continue to remind your readers about the importance of thankfulness and kindness and what that means to others. Entitlement has gotten way out of hand. Handwritten thank-you notes are NOT old-fashioned. They lift the giver’s heart. Thank you. — TAMARA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TAMARA: The subject of thank-you notes is one of the most common complaints I receive from readers. Some people put off writing them because they have difficulty expressing themselves via the written word, don’t know what to say or are afraid they’ll say the wrong thing.

I advise readers to have a notebook handy when they open gifts and JOT DOWN THE FIRST WORDS THAT COME TO MIND when they see what’s inside. For some reason, they mistakenly believe a thank-you must be long and flowery when, in fact, short and to the point is more effective. Do they like the colour? The style? Is the gift something they’ve been wanting? Write it down and use it for inspiration!

My Letters booklet contains samples of thank-you notes for birthday gifts, shower gifts, wedding gifts and those that arrive at holiday time. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You will find it also contains sample letters of congratulations as well as for difficult subjects, such as the loss of a parent, spouse or a child. Many readers have told me my booklet has served as a valuable tool in teaching their children basic good manners.

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DEAR ABBY: I am elderly and stuck in a miserable marriage. The romance is long gone. We live as roommates. If I were to die tomorrow, I don’t think anyone would miss me. I’m partially disabled, and it is difficult for me to get out on my own. Must I accept life as it is, or should I kick his butt out? — HOPELESS IN TEXAS

DEAR HOPELESS: If you are financially dependent upon your husband or need his help for personal needs, I do not recommend “kicking his butt out.” Contact your nearest senior centre and ask what activities are offered in your community, including transportation for seniors or people with disabilities. If you do, you may be pleasantly surprised to discover you are not as isolated as you think.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.