SEX FILES: Sharing is caring: Inside the rise of 'hothusbanding'

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When comedian Nikki Glaser told Gwyneth Paltrow on the Goop podcast that she gets turned on by the idea of her boyfriend sleeping with other women, it raised more than just eyebrows. For Glaser, hearing about her partner’s past sexual escapades isn’t cringeworthy; it’s foreplay. And she’s not alone. 

It’s called “hothusbanding.” 

A gender-flipped counterpart to hotwifing, “Hothusbanding is a consensual relationship dynamic in which a woman — or a non-male partner — gets erotic arousal from watching or knowing her male partner is having sex with someone else,” says Emily Thompson, a relationship expert at Positives Dating. It’s part of the broader world of consensual non-monogamy but with a twist: this time, the woman is sharing her man – a dynamic that is now more popular than ever. 

After Glaser’s March 25 appearance on Goop, Sssh.com, an adult site known for its sex-positive, ethical content made from a woman’s point of view, reported a surge in member requests for hothusbanding content (an already popular category that has steadily increased since the start of 2025). 

Angie Rowntree, founder and director of Sssh.com, says some people see hothusbanding as another form of cuckolding, “whereas others may see it as an extension of an open marriage.” 

So, what do women get out of it? Thompson says, it depends. “Emotionally, it may increase feelings of security and sexual assurance — being aware that your partner is sought after by others but still returns to you. For some, it can shatter routine, deepen erotic intimacy, or test boundaries that contrast with the social norms of exclusivity in committed relationships.” 

However, hothusbanding can also be a way for women to rewrite the rules of gender and desire altogether. As Thompson explains, “In the past, men have been accorded more sexual freedom and autonomy, with women learning to be the “gatekeepers” of sex. Hothusbanding defies such a trend by putting the woman — whether she is spectator or conductor — in the role of one who actively encourages or delights in her partner’s enjoyment with others.” 

In popular culture, the idea of a man enjoying seeing his wife with other partners is nothing new. However, Thompson says, “hothusbanding turns conventional male-dominant fantasy on its head and offers a less commonly seen narrative where women could find strength, pleasure, or emotional satisfaction in this role-reversal.” 

While hothusbanding (or hotwifing, for that matter) can certainly spice up your relationship, couples shouldn’t go into it blindly. Thompson says, “It requires an unbelievably high level of emotional and communication intelligence to map that dynamic.” For this reason, she suggests that couples begin with conversations around boundaries, expectations, and “emotional hotspots.” These conversations must include consent and how it isn’t a one-and-done deal but an ongoing process involving frequent check-ins with your partner. 

While establishing boundaries, Thompson encourages couples to get curious about what turns them on about hothusbanding. “Is it the voyeurism? The power dynamic? The notion of the other being desirable? Building together common guidelines and a trust base guarantees everyone the sense of security and respect and, in the end, makes the experience more rewarding for all involved,” says Thompson. 

It’s also essential to discuss who and how you’ll involve other people in the dynamic. For example, are you comfortable with your partner sleeping with someone you both know or would you prefer a third person with no mutuals? Rowntree says, “Before anyone’s clothing comes off, you need to establish and agree on boundaries – not only the sexual kind, but the real parameters of what is happening here so everyone’s expectations and feelings are respectfully addressed and managed.” 

Ultimately, hothusbanding is an emotional risk. For this reason, Thompson suggests couples go slow and move intentionally. It’s OK to “Start with fantasy talk, shared desire-sharing, or roleplay scenarios before moving on to actual experience,” says Thompson. Experimenting with just the two of you can be a safe way to gauge how you might feel if you were to act out these fantasies with other people. 

Check in with yourself. Thompson says, “Are you engaging in it because you really want to or because you wish to impress someone else? Is your relationship strong enough to handle surprise emotions like jealousy or insecurity?” 

Entering into non-monogamy isn’t a quick fix for relationship issues; it will probably amplify them. Even if your relationship is solid, you might need help navigating this new terrain. 

Thompson says it’s OK to seek support. A therapist who specializes in ethical non-monogamy can help couples learn to communicate, work through fears, address jealousy, and ultimately, explore hothusbanding in a way that’s safe and fun for everyone involved.